Friday, September 17, 2010

Greg Sgammato and Overweight Women, an Analysis

Often times The News-Letter's page of ramblings opinion page can be inane. This week we noticed a particularly alarming opinion piece written by one of the News-Letter's managing editors, Greg Sgammato. We wonder: What does Greg Sgammato have against overweight people?

In his pieced titled "Local bison bear all at Phi Kappa Psi's annual Lingerave," Sgammato tries to understand why overweight women party and wear clothing that exposes their flesh. He identifies the problem (fat people), the cause (alcohol) and a solution (get drunk and try to hook up with them). Sgammato describes overweight women as animals. At various points in his opinion piece, he calls them fat chicks, buffalo, bison, blimp, grenades, hippos, wildebeest and livestock. At one point he does not even want to refer to them as humans let alone animals. He simply calls them, "it."

Sources tell us Sgammato is quite the gym rat and has a physical physique that would, if he were not so short, make some of the women at Hopkins Underground swoon. Is his dislike for overweight women a result of his all brawn and no brain view of life?

Sgammato's world is one in which the overweight are out of sight and out of mind. They must do their best to avoid the line of vision of normal-weight people. Ideally, overweight people do not go to the parties he attends. "If, in the near future, one determines a means by which we can separate hot chicks from the heavy, heavy burden of their larger peers, a Nobel will surely follow." He believes that the student body is only willing tolerate fat people so long as "direct interaction isn't necessitated."

Here are some choice quotes with some analysis.

Greg Sgammato starts off by conceding that the fat will always be among us. (Sort of like the poor.) He laments that when he was at the Lingerave party he only saw overweight women in their underwear and not the hot chicks.
"Under normal circumstances, fat chicks at a Hopkins party are neither a novelty nor a major problem. The student body has become accustomed to seeing the occasional bison at Pike; as long as direct interaction isn't necessitated, most Blue Jays are content with simply letting the livestock graze."
Insightful writer that he is, Sgammato asks his readers hypothetically,
"Why would the biggest chicks wear the least clothing? These are the girls who wear sweatshirts on sweltering summer days just to hide their -- admittedly substantial -- arms. The answer, of course, can be found in the staple of any decent frat party: alcohol...When buffalo -- especially those who frequent frat parties -- consume alcohol, they undergo an extreme and sudden inflation of self-image."
 When this happens, poor Sgammato must watch women with less than ideal figures will
"Flaunt it like she's got it, when in fact she never had it and probably never will. She will transcend 'sloppy' and become a force to be reckoned with, an 8-on-the-Richter-Scale Neuroscience major with no test on Monday, a full fridge and an empty bed.
Needless to say, a drunk plus-size is scary enough. Yet put her in an enviornment in which clothing is actively discouraged and we have added insult to an already egregious injury."
Sgammato gives in. He says that we cannot avoid fat people. He then tries to play psychologist even though he is an international studies and economics major.
"We must enter the mentality of the fat chick. She knows that, given her current situation, she will not gain admission to a frat party of her own accord. No one in his right mind would, given the chance, admit a herd of rhinos to his party...And once inside, the damage has already been done. It's only a matter of time until the mammoths monopolize space on the dance floor."
But alas, Sgammato concludes that if you can't beat them, join them. After all, according to him, if one wants a sure bet, there's nothing like a girl with low self-esteem to satisfy your needs.
"A seasoned veteran should have the confidence to wait until the bedroom to see his girl without clothing; don't subject the majority to the tyranny of the -- funnily enough -- enormous minority.

There is, of course, one more option: get obliterated. You'll be surprised how far you'll go with a half-naked wildebeest."
We are amazed that the editors-in-chief of The News-Letter, Lily Newman and Sarah Tan, and the opinion page editor, Omar Qureshi, would publish such an opinion piece that can personally offend not only a section of the student body but also larger segments of the country. This is not a piece that is in favor or against a certain policy. This is a chauvinistic piece that should offend everyone's sensibilities. For all those going out this weekend, beware.


  1. pretty sure Omar is really fat too . . . only explanation is that they're gay for each other

  2. Wait, where is the analysis?

  3. haha, why hate the first original and witty (if not well written) written work at JHU? It hurts because it is so true. The author of this piece is just another bastion of PC commentary. Who is weakly attempting to get away from the mindlessness of JHU confessions but in reality is wasting everyones time.

  4. and when i say author i mean "HOPKINS UNDERGROUND" the faux pulse of Hopkins

  5. Stephanie Delman and Pile Patnik we know this is you